Not too distant future: A Zombie Homage

Each day we draw closer to our doom, whether it by government corruption, extermination of our species by war games or through means of our own nature. Many of us believe there is a fate that lies dormant until science and ignorance combine and breathe undead life into mindless, flesh-hungry creatures once part of the human race. My brother had a theory regarding the culmination of zombies that I thought was quite profound in itself. Quoted from "11 Ahead 7 Behind" blogspot: "The inevitable Zombie Holocaust is another matter altogether. The recent breakthrough of creating stem cells from adult skin cells using viruses to rewrite it’s DNA almost makes this a lead pipe cinch. And you know what? The majority of these cells end up cancerous. From what I understand, cancer cells are virtually immortal. Didn’t these guys ever play Resident Evil? I mean what the fuck were they thinking? Do they WANT there to be zombies rising up and consuming the living? Unless of course that’s where they got the idea to begin with. You can rest assured, if something, no matter how repugnant, inhumane and evil, is possible, somebody somewhere is already doing it.

Regardless of what these knuckle-heads had in mind, the shit is going to hit the fan when it all goes down and Milla Jovovich ain’t gonna be around to save your fat, lazy latte slurpin’ ass this time. You want to cure America’s obesity problem? Fuck Jenny Craig, fuck Weight Watchers and fuck Richard Simmons; you just unleash a bunch of unstoppable ghouls craving human flesh on the public and you’ll see big waistlines (and the people attached to them) disappear over night. Why? Because overweight people can’t climb ropes and neither can zombies. That’s an interesting coincidence, huh? I know where my happy-go-lucky ass is going to be when the dead rise; up a frigging rope with a gun somewhere. Zombies (traditional ones anyway) can’t run, and surprisingly enough heavy people tend not to be too light on their feet either. You will never see Nike pay millions to an overweight, pasty-faced World of Warcraft champion to endorse their new line high-tops for the indoor athlete. So just keep stuffing your face with Hot-pockets and pizza-rolls and you might as well tattoo ‘Zombie-Chow’ across your forehead."

This theory sheds new light on the subject for me. Are we ready? If an outbreak occurs, where will we go? Will the viral infection be blood borne, passed onto another host by means of physical infection or will it become airborne? Many thoughts surround this. I know that when and if the day comes, I won't be the one holding a revolver. My weapons of choice will be long range weaponry, close encounter defense weapons like shotguns, shovels, machete's or crowbars.

A storm is coming people, the days of playgrounds and promotions will be a hollow reflection of our past.